After our one-on-one interviews, we schedule our next interview with our social worker. This meeting was over education/parenting/etc and went really well; however, we received the news that our fingerprints still have not come back approved to complete the home study. Derek and I are finished with all of our paper work for the home study weeks ago and will have to meet one more time with our agency before they write it up; however, it's just frustrating that our fingerprints are taking so long to come back. They have already been at the FBI department for 6 weeks and when I called, they said it could take up to 14 more weeks. PLEASE PRAY WITH US that they will come back sooner than that. After hearing this, I had the breakdown.
For the first time in the adoption process, I realized something. Something big- I WAS NOT IN CONTROL. Yep... that's right. I know you probably already knew that. But it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. My heart sank, the tears fell- I have no control over how fast the government works... I have no control over if my baby is born yet or not... I have no control over how fast the process will go.... Even when I had filled out all the forms I could fill out months early- I HAVE NO CONTROL! The Lord is... The Lord is. How comforting that is. By me "being" in control, I was telling the Lord that my strength and power was greater than his... WOW--
Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Even when I thought no one was there, when the Lord had turned his back, and I WAS IN CONTROL, not for a moment did the Lord forsake me. My best friend, Kelly, recently introduced me to a song that has become our "adoption song." As most adoptive families know, this process is tough. And there have already been times when I asked the Lord if he was there. Of course he is, but how quickly I doubt. How my faith has already been tested and strengthened through this process already. This song by Meredith Andrews "Not for a Moment (After All)" reminds me of God's faithfulness to his children. And it convicts me that even in the darkest time of my life, the LORD never leaves. Thankful for his promises and his unending love!
"And every step, every breath You are there. Every tear, every cry, every breath. In my hurt, at my worst, when my world falls down. Not for a moment, will You forsake me."
Not For a Moment (After All)- Meredith Andrews
Lyrics:
You were reaching through the storm, walking on the water,
Even when I could not see.
In the middle of it all, when I thought you were a thousand miles away.
Not for a moment, did You forsake me.
Not for a moment, did You forsake me.
After all, You are constant.
After all, You are only good.
After all, You are sovereign.
Not for a moment, will You forsake me.
You were singing in the dark, whispering Your promise.
Even when I could not hear.
I was held in Your arms, carried for a thousand miles to show,
Not for a moment did You forsake me.
After all, You are constant.
After all, You are only good.
After all, You are sovereign.
Not for a moment, will You forsake me.
Not for a moment, will You forsake me.
And every step, every breath You are there.
Every tear, every cry, every breath.
In my hurt, at my worst, when my world falls down.
Not for a moment, will You forsake me.
Even in the dark, even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all
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